if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
