Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
