She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
