im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
