Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
