I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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