I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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