My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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