So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
