Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
