Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Man, jail baloney is awful.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
