Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Even my vagina gasped.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
