I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
