i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
