pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
