Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
