Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
