You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
