Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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