Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
