i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
