Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
