So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
