we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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