She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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