If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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