So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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