that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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