I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize