Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
