he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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