I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
