I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
