found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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