come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
