I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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