according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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