I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
