also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
