I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
