I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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