Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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