As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
