apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize