just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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