She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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