Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
