Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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