I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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