She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
