i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
