OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
