Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
