dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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