I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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