He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
