Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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