We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
